


A Little Hellish

by Azurite9925



Category: Hellsing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alucard is an asshole, Businesswoman Integra, Comedy, Crack, Everyone Is An Asshole, F/M, Pissed!Integra, Romance, Tumblr Prompts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 04:15:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12622972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azurite9925/pseuds/Azurite9925
Summary: Integra Hellsing is 700% done with her douchebag coworker Alucard Tapes because he won't stop stealing her parking spot!OR: You drive a massive car and steal my parking spot all the time and I was just heading out to leave a strongly worded note under your windshield wiper but oh no you’re hot AU





	A Little Hellish

** A Little Hellish **

 

Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing was 700% _done._

It had been _5 days._ She was sick and tired of all the abuse, all the garbage, all the bullshit of it all. She was a simple woman with simple needs, but this… this crossed the line _._ For the last 5 days, she’d come into her workplace, Britannia incorporated, only to have her parking spot taken by some piece of garbage who _just joined the company a week ago_. It was the literal best parking spot in the yard for her – the only spot covered by the shade of the sycamore trees that grew near her work, it was perfect for her black car on summer days. And this trash didn’t even realize that she _needed_ that spot; or, knowing him, he knew and just didn’t give a damn. After all, she had passive aggressively pointed this out, but _nooooo_ he didn’t change his ways at all! The man absolutely infuriated her.

His entire figure was just made to piss her off. He was tall, very tall, very very tall – _taller_ than her – with the most aristocratic features ever known to man, the palest skin on this planet, and a smile that practically screamed, “My smile drops the panties of any young adult fangirl and I _know_ it.”

A very, very, _very_ small part of Integra mentioned that this demographic did actually include her, and that she was far from immune to that smile.

But, that was beside the point – she took care to stuff that part of her into a coffin and throw it into the sea. The point was, the smiling douchebag who stole her spot and made her secretary, Seras Victoria, blush and stutter like a pre-teen, needed to go the fuck away. And so, Integra took it upon herself to begin their revolutionary war by writing a letter outlining all her grievances and exclaiming _exactly_ how fast she’d like him to leave.

Storming to his white Porsche – a sleek, gas guzzling, drool-worthy monster which fit his personality _perfectly_ – Integra slipped the letter under his window wiper. She smiled smugly at her accomplishment. Tossing her hair behind her, she turned on her heel to stride back to her own black Camry only to freeze.

Watching her with no small amount of amusement was Alucard Tepes himself. His smile curled across his pointed features as lazily as a cat in the sun as he leaned against HER Camry, parked only two spots from his own Porsche. Integra bristled and marched over, feeling her irritation grow with each passing step. The part of her that was _supposed_ to be in the bottom of the ocean pointed out that this wasn’t irritation, rather mortification and a faint flutter of butterfly wings in the gastrointestinal tract. Integra set that voice on fire.

“Just what are you doing?” She demanded.

The man shrugged, a figure of calm even when facing Integra’s wrath head on. A very small part of her respected that – the same part that was supposed to be charred and drowned and now, thrown off a mental cliff. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” He pointed out.

Integra huffed, crossing her arms at him. “You very well know you’ve been taking my parking spot.” She accused. The rational voice in the back of her head piped up, _you do know that he just may not know, right?_ But of course, logic was much too overrated for the young professional, so she ignored that voice and only strengthened the glare she sent Alucard’s way.

The corner of his lips twitched. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He said, voice carefully even.

Integra arched a single eyebrow, her intense azure eyes staring into Alucard’s soul in quiet reprimand. “Really?” She intoned.

“Really.”

“Really _really_?”

“Really really, Integra.”

The blonde cast her narrow gaze at the pale man silently. Even if his voice was smooth as chocolate when saying her name, she couldn’t ever remember giving him the permission.

A few moments passed like that, and Alucard’s smile dimmed. He cocked his head. “Integra?”

Integra inhaled deeply and summoned the mutilated rational voice from the back of her head. “Look. I just want you to stop parking here, alright? I have a black car. You have a white one – I’d really say that I need that tree’s shade more than you.”

Alucard mimicked her expression and arched his brow. “But it’s right by the door I use to reach my office.” He whined. Integra clenched her jaw, back straightening as she stepped closer to the insolent man, ignoring the part of her that noticed his faintly earthy scent. His smile dimmed slightly but his eyes still held that calm amber – nearing red, really – that just increased Integra’s ire.

“The spot right next to it is closer.” She stated, gesturing to the open parking space beside them. “And Pip left this company _ages_ ago – no one is using it.”

Alucard’s eyes flashed and his smile widened – Integra glowered. She knew it. The bastard very well knew that what she said was true and _still_ refused to be a decent human being. “Ah…. You caught me Integra. I could’ve parked at Pip’s spot.” Alucard cooed.

Integra’s eye twitched. “But you didn’t because you’re worth less than the scum on my shoe.” She deadpanned. Alucard, however, wasn’t even phased.

“Not quite. I wanted to catch your eye, Integra.” Alucard explained, as if he was talking to a toddler.

Integra sputtered, “And you couldn’t have, God forbid, said _hello?_ You talk to my secretary all the time! _”_

Alucard shrugged, “Not my style. Besides, Seras is like a sister to me, I mentored her back when she was in college; you however…” He sent her a faintly leery grin that sent a shiver down Integra’s spine. Integra stared at the man with utter bewilderment, wondering if they had both regressed to children on the playground – what, with him pulling at her non-existent pigtails. “Integra?”

“You’re a bit of a bastard, aren’t you?”

Alucard blinked. “Why yes, I do believe that’s on my resume.”

Integra sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Just, don’t park here anymore, alright? I hate coming back to a rolling toaster for a car.” She calmly asked.

Alucard cocked his head. “Well…” He drawled.

“What?” Integra snapped.

“On one condition.”

Integra’s eyes narrowed. “What is it, Alucard?”

Alucard flashed her the brightest grin he could possibly give her and pulled out, from the inside pocket of his suit, a small box of chocolates, much to Integra’s dawning horror. Her eyes widened as she huffed out an incredulous laugh – he really wasn’t going to – was he?

“Will you get coffee with me sometime this week?”

– he actually did! Integra’s mind went blank at his question as both her rational self and other self mentally gaped. He was… asking her on a date. After inconveniencing her for a week, for angering her, and just being a general menace, which was apparently just to get her to _talk to him_ – he thought he could ask her on a date?

“A date.” Integra said, slowly. “You’re asking me out on a date.”

“One of many, preferably.” Alucard smoothly added.

Integra nodded. “Well.” She stepped forward, her face carefully blank as Alucard looked at her with amused expectation – he knew she was going to kiss him. He totally had this in the bag – Integra wasn’t a woman who could just be approached, and Alucard knew that. She was hard to get, hard to approach out of her icy exterior, so he had to get her attention somehow – and apparently, this worked. The ice queen was finally melting. She raised her hand, seemingly to cup Alucard’s cheek.

_SLAP_

Alucard reeled back at the sudden assault as his eyes widened in shock. “Fuck!” He cursed, automatically raising a hand to soothe his reddening cheek. It was a hard slap and he was definitely not expecting that.

Integra huffed, feeling no sympathy for the damned bastard. “No.” She spat. Turning on her heel, Integra strode away from the stunned professional, fuming and murmuring under her breath about ‘presumptuous pricks.’

Alucard stood, dumfounded, as he stared at Integra’s retreating figure. Slowly, a smile creeped across his face and a few chuckles escaped from his throat like the prelude to a rainstorm – and moments later, Alucard was laughing and staring at where Integra stood with an odd warmth to his eye. He pressed his fingers against his cheek once more and smiled. “What a woman.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> This is 1000% a guilty pleasure lol, I love how much Alucard annoys Integra - I just took it to a different setting.


End file.
